“It has been proven through functional MRI Scans that the emotional pain of a broken heart triggers the same response in the pain centres of the brain that real pain triggers”
Relationship break ups can be very hard. It has been proven through functional MRI Scans that the emotional pain of a broken heart triggers the same response in the pain centres of the brain that real pain triggers. You may even feel physically sick. This pain cannot be prevented. When a relationship breaks up there is process of grief similar to the death of a loved one that everyone has to go through. This can be broken down into distinct segments – based on the work of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book “Death and Dying” (See at the foot below)
However after a normal period of post relationship grief and letting go some people find themselves cycling through this range of emotions (See segments below) and find that they find it almost impossible to let go of that person or the relationship. The pain persists and they may start to feel stuck or depressed. They may find themselves re-examining the details of their behaviour, their partners behaviour. they may even engage in obsessing about that partner – following them on facebook, trying to see them. Thinking what if, if only.
Friends and family may have been supportive for the first few weeks but very quickly you may find if you don’t move on, that this initial sympathy is considerably weakened. The danger here is that instead of continuing to let go of the pain you bottle it up and don’t let go, indulging your misery privately.
The previous partner may have instigated the break up and may already have moved on with their life. You may rationalise that you should move on and then find yourself caught in the same patterns of thought, cycling endlessly.
In an attempt to help you move on, Friends, acquaintances, family, websites will all give you appropriate and inappropriate advice about what you should do and you may find yourself resisting their advice believing that you are the exception to the rule, that your love was different.
Eventually you will probably reach the conclusion that you need some help to break the cycle of behaviour. Some people will consider CBT or person centred counselling which can be very effective though this can be a slow time consuming process. Any therapy that you have will depend upon good rapport with the therapist. Being able to open up about your innermost feelings can be a good way to help you move on.
Hypnotherapy can help with your perspective and can help you to change your own behaviour to a more positive model. It can help you visualise your future instead of your past, let go of negative thoughts and replace them with more positive ones. Help you to appreciate yourself outside of that relationship. It can help you find your essential motivation and start to move on.
Healing a broken heart is a process very similar to grief and takes time. You have to be able to let go of the emotion and sometimes this can be painful in itself. You may be so sick of experiencing the pain of a broken heart that you do not want to confront the raw emotion in order to let go of it. It is counter intuitive but this may be exactly what you need to learn to do in order to move on.
Women in particular may decide to put themselves into voluntary exile from future relationships choosing to remain alone rather than to risk another broken heart – With my own views – “One life live it now”, I believe that Tennyson’s poem is a better reflection of the truth: –
I hold it true, whate’er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all………..(Tennyson)
Hypnotherapy will try to help you adopt a more positive set of thoughts – to appreciate what you have and to help you visualise a positive future. To help you appreciate what you have learned about yourself in this process. My own experiences in the last 3 years have given me particular insight. This article was written from my own experiences and that of friends and clients.
Stages of Grief – (Kübler-Ross)
You may progress from one stage to another but it is not uncommon to cycle through all of them in varying degrees.
Isolation and denial
What just happened – this may feel unreal and a bit like a dream. This helps buffer us from the raw emotion of it all until we are ready to move forward.
Reality bites and the flood of emotion can be overwhelming. If you were dumped then this may help you to get some perspective and a sense of self worth back.
The what if, If only. – The positive aspect of this is to learn from experiences – but do not beat yourself up.
Sadness and depression
Feelings of Sadness, hopelessness, loneliness and depression. Whilst this is an essential step – it is not essential to experience this on your own unless you really want to. Spend time with supportive friends and family.
This is a distinct phase moving on from Sadness and depression. It is not a “happy phase” and is still part of grief. The mind will generally be calmer and your perspective of what has happened will be more philosophical.
External Link – How to get over a break up