Emotional Transference – put the brakes on!

Picture of a man getting frustrated on the phone
Transference on the phone?

Or reframe……

My friend spoke to a customer on the phone. The customer got frustrated and then started to attack my friend. She is a lovely, positive and cheerful person and has lots of empathy for customers. She gives great customer service.

She was upset to the point of tears. Why did this customer attack her so bitterly?

The answer is we don’t really know. The customer may be struggling with life emotionally, they could even have mental health issues. They might just be venting and after hanging up if they are a decent person will probably even feel a bit foolish for having lost it with someone who was there to help them.

It’s a great principle to treat others with the respect and kindness that we would like to receive ourselves.

The point is that it is very difficult if you are an empath not to absorb negative energy in such a situation. This is known as emotional transference. If you are aware it takes place then perhaps you can reduce or avoid absorbing it, though if you are an empath this can be very very difficult. If you work as a counsellor learning to deal with transference is a essential skill – Listening to people who are depressed all day long could affect you adversely. You also need a strategy to help you centre yourself or bounce back.

You must remind yourself at the end of a negative attack that…..

1) You have very little influence over other people’s backgrounds, their stress, financial situation, mental health, guilt, resentment etc.

2)Whilst it might feel like you triggered such an attack, it is unlikely. Sometimes if you didn’t hear the person properly or misunderstood them it will trigger an over reaction. If you feel you could have handled things better, be kind to yourself, smile at your mistake, learn from it and brush yourself down.

3)If such attacks cause you a lot of stress and this is affecting you badly, then work with an NLP practitioner or Hypnotherapist to find a mental strategy that greatly reduces the stress.

Re-framing is a great way of changing the way you feel in any given situation. Hypnotherapist can help you reach your “special place” – a place in your mind where you feel good.

Emotional Transference – put the brakes on!
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